Baby Don't Hurt Me: With This Utility Bill

Most people calculate their mortgage payment and think that's the number. It's not even close. Derek and Kelly break down every cost of homeownership that nobody warned you about — from the obvious stuff like utilities and lawn care, to the things that will blindside you at 10pm on a Sunday night. Kelly shares her two basement flooding stories (yes, two), Derek explains the 1% maintenance rule (and why it's probably wrong), and they go through 38 responses from real homeowners on the hidden costs that surprised them most.

Topics covered:

The actual cost of utilities (heating, water, trash — yes, trash)

Regular maintenance: lawn care, snow removal, dryer vents, septic pumping, radon systems

The "OOP fund" — the stuff you budget for vs. the stuff that just breaks

How property taxes and homeowner's insurance quietly creep up every year

Ice dams: what they are and why you can't predict them

Why the mortgage pre-approval number and what you should actually spend are two very different things

If you're buying a home soon, already own one, or just want to know what you're getting into — this one's for you.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS

0:00 – Intro / It's raining (again)

01:00 – Why the cost of homeownership conversation matters

03:00 – The 1% maintenance rule (and why $8,800/year is more accurate)

07:40 – Two cost buckets: expected maintenance vs. the unexpected

09:00 – Transitioning from renting to owning — the size shock

11:00 – Utilities deep dive: heating, water, electricity

16:20 – Cable/internet trap ($383/month to Starlink story)

19:15 – Regular home maintenance: lawn, snow removal, landscaping

24:15 – Annualized costs: septic, furnace, radon, HVAC

28:30 – The "OOP fund" — what breaks and what it actually costs

33:55 – Community responses: 38 hidden costs people didn't see coming

37:00 – Trees, wildlife, dryer vents, faucets (seriously, faucets)

41:30 – Property taxes and homeowner's insurance: why they always go up

43:15 – Ice dams explained

44:30 – Closing thoughts: eyes wide open

Reach out to Kelly Turner at kturner@totalmortgage.com and Derek Mazzarella at dmazzarella@mygfpartner.com

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