Teach the brain not the behavior simple moves that help today
Executive Function Isn’t Laziness: Rethinking “Motivation,” Shame, and Support with Coach Carrie Bonnet
Executive function isn’t laziness—it’s a brain thing. In this episode, I sit with coach Carrie Bonnet to reframe the struggle.
If you’ve ever wondered why smart kids (and adults) still miss deadlines, lose steam, or freeze at “start,” this conversation will feel like a breath out. I ask Carrie Bonnet—Executive Function Coach, veteran teacher, and adjunct instructor at the University of Portland—what this actually feels like from the inside and what support looks like when we remove shame and lead with the brain.
You’ll hear why paper beats apps when you’re new to planning, how time blindness fuels the last-minute cycle, and the key shift parents and teachers can make that changes everything. We also get into the messy middle: boredom that feels like torture, the myth of “I work best under pressure,” and why “not caring” often isn’t the story at all.
I reveal where I’ve struggled too, and Carrie shares simple, sustainable ways we can make the invisible visible—without giving a full step-by-step here. By the end, you’ll be asking different questions and seeing different outcomes.
Questions to listen for: What makes task initiation so hard? How does shame sneak in? And what small moves reduce overwhelm today?
About the Guest
Carrie Bonnet is an Executive Function Coach, veteran middle and high school teacher, and adjunct instructor at the University of Portland. She works with students, families, and early-career teachers. Carrie lives in Oregon and is a mom to two teens.
Key Timestamps
0:02 – Welcome and who Carrie is
2:11 – The sixth grader who changed how we saw “late work”
5:10 – When it clicked: not laziness, not a moral failing
9:23 – Life skills don’t teach themselves (and why that matters)
12:00 – Paper vs. digital calendars: which one first?
15:20 – Backward planning a massive project without burning out
18:08 – “I work best under pressure”… or do I?
19:59 – What executive function challenges feel like from the inside (“borchure”)
23:13 – Overwhelm, time blindness, emotional flooding
25:16 – Dopamine, tiny wins, and the short timer spark
26:41 – Not caring vs. not being able
28:13 – The parent shift: replace judgment with curiosity
30:35 – No-shame, brain-first: where shame sneaks in
34:40 – Why it can take longer to read, grasp, and process
36:49 – “Strategy shopping” and the wallet solution
47:49 – The missing link in schools
50:54 – When the system isn’t a fit for the brain in front of us
52:53 – Make the invisible visible: classroom wins
55:20 – Why it’s harder for some brains (and what to remember)
58:01 – For anyone who feels broken: you’re not
58:54 – Where to find Carrie’s resources
Resources: Grab Carrie’s Task Initiation Toolkit: carriebonnet.com/toolkit
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#Neurodiversity #ExecutiveFunction #ADHD #Parenting #Education
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